This blog post was originally posted on tumblr.
Sometimes, God simply says “Good morning, Maila” Other times, He throws something big my way mid-yawn, which naturally gets me asking Him a ton of questions before I even brush my teeth. Haha. This morning, it was the latter. Immediately after my alarm went off, I heard loud and clear: “You cannot release in public what you have not yet fought for in secret.”
At the beginning of this year, someone texted me this quote (thanks @priscillahylee!):
“Embrace uncertainty. Some of those most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later.” – Bob Goff
2016 was the launching pad for uncertainty (x 100). But as I was brushing my teeth, while simultaneously asking the Lord what this meant, He reminded me that while I was still in my mother’s womb, He had already been numbering my days and naming the titles of every chapter in my life. “So what did you title 2016?” I asked Him, (to which I also suggested the title, “The Year of Terror”). He ignored my suggestion and replied, “The Secret Place.”
Prior this year, I never really understood what the secret place meant. I knew a few people who would talk about how beautiful and intimate this place is, but it made me question if this was a secret that God was keeping from me. To me, the secret was an ambiguous realm where God hid and only the few who knew His secret could access Him. To me, the secret was an exclusive place where few could enter, then come out and share with me their revelations from God as if the modern-day veil was yet to be torn. To me, the secret was a set of instructions on how to find God, which I was probably not given because Lord knows some days finding Him felt impossible.
Thankfully, it was a season of uncertainty that led me to abandon everything I had ever known to ask, “God, who are you?” It’s amazing how a single question became an invitation to a journey of God revealing to me the secrets and mysteries of the Kingdom. It was on this journey that I realized the secret place was not a hidden door to Narnia. The secret place was right at the Father’s feet, where He anticipated His children to sit at just so He could begin to spill the beautiful secrets of who He is…a million untold truths that the enemy has spent a lifetime trying to cover, but the Father never intended to keep from His children.
True story: I cried on my way to work as I thought about what God might’ve possibly been doing 24 years ago. I imagined Him weeping as He penned the hard days that I would face this year. But then I saw Him smile as He covered the pages with love and joyfully inserted moments where He would uncover secrets He had been waiting to tell me. “I can’t wait to tell her this secret!” He’d say. “Oh, and this one, too!”
The secret place has been a refuge, where I’ve sat at the Father’s feet and wept. The secret place has been a battlefield, where I brought ugly lies to the Father to help me war against. The secret place has been a scrapbook of memories, where the Father joked with me, received my worship and praise, and reminded me that He loves me. The secret place did not come without a fight to abandon hopelessness. The fight is so real. But the fight is also so beautiful, as it has not only anchored my hope in a good Father, but has also allowed this hope to spill over and be released to those around me.